Pause Real Life with your DVR!

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Had a television disaster today. Courtesy of DirecTV, and our new DVR.

My youngest son, Steven, has developed a serious personality disorder, as defined by most Americans of my generation. He's a devout follower of the World Cup soccer tournament. And he had recorded today's semi-final game between the Netherlands and... and.... the Netherlands and their worthy opponent.

Steve was savoring the thought of watching the entire broadcast from beginning to end, and to kill time he had been watching a recording of the Tour de France. When that was done, he deleted it -- and to his horror the screen switched immediately to live TV -- where they were celebrating the Netherlands win over whoever they beat. So the surprise was ruined.

There was a whole lot of thrashing and swearing around here for a brief period. The remote control survived, just barely. His sister, Sarah, threw herself on it before any serious damage occurred.

I truly sympathize. It's hard to watch a recorded sports event when you know the outcome. And of course, it was a great game, fought to the bitter end, etc. etc. blah blah blah. Anyone who ever watched a sitcom knows what it's like when someone blows the ending. But it still sucks.

I did it myself the first day we had the DVR. The only reason I got it was to record the CBS shows on Monday nights, during the hockey playoffs. Robin and I don't watch a lot of TV. But we kinda got hooked on the four shows on CBS Mondays. How I Met Your Mother; Rules of Engagement; Two-and-a-half Men; and the Big Bang Theory. Even though I quit drinking, I still tend to stick to rituals. So somewhere we got into the Monday Night Is TV Night habit. We'd get come cheap chicken from Jewel (8 pieces for $5.99), eat it fast and watch TV.

But playoff Hockey was beginning to interfere, so I booked an upgrade from DirecTV, which came in the form of a free DVR. They installed it on a Monday, appropriately, and I got a whirlwind lesson in using the remote, which I promptly forgot. But it was then I became aware of the COOLEST feature of DVR -- you can PAUSE LIVE TV!

So later in the evening, we watched the hockey game while the DVR recorded our CBS shows. The Blackhawks came from behind in the second period to tie the game. The third period was a hard-fought give-and-take battle. All went well until about 5 minutes were left in the game. There was a TV time out, and Robin and I used the opportunity to do a nature break of our own. I paused the DVR. We luxuriated, happy in the knowledge that we can see the whole thing play out before our very eyes, delayed a minute -- two minutes -- whatever delay our hearts desired -- without missing a second of the action. We even had the phone turned off, so there was no chance that anyone would call us and blow the ending.

All ready now, we set the game back in motion. But it was still on a commercial. So I started pushing buttons, to fast-forward through the ads. It's a guy thing, a control thing, I don't know what.

You don't have to be Norman Einstein to guess what I did. Somehow it went to live TV -- and the Hawks were up by a goal. By the time this had sunk in, the Hawks had scored again on an open net, and the game was over.

Those of you who don't know my wife well cannot possibly imagine how angry that girl can get. I've known her 32 years, and I never before saw those veins in her neck, not even during childbirth.

I gave her the remote and asked Fido if I could bunk with him for a night or two... he said no. Smart dog.